Recovery Part 4 - Motivation and Moving On

So its been five days since the abortion and holy shit do my boobs hurt. This was not something I was expecting. I didn't even think about my milk coming in. It's not a constant pain. Sometimes I will get horrible aches randomly like right this second. Sometimes I'll move a certain way and they will just start throbbing. Sometimes it's so uncomfortable I cant even move. I thought some extra strength Tylenol would help but nope! So my advice is to not use heat because it will only increase milk production and to ice the hell out of them. Frozen peas, a cool shower, or freeze your bra! It seriously worked the best for me. And also keep them snug and cozy but not too snug. It will get worse if you wear a bra that's too tight. Camisoles work great or sports bras. I do not recommend push ups. I could let some milk out if I wanted but that would freak me out way too much! I did some searching on the web and the milk should dry up within seven to ten days. I don't know if that immediately begins when the pregnancy is lost or after they start hurting but I sure hope its sometime soon for me because it's seriously painful for me.

The bleeding has almost stopped. There is barely any blood on the pad and I only passed one clot that was smaller than my pinkie nail. Once the bleeding stops for two days straight I think it will be time to stop the pads. I'm going to keep them around just incase but they're so uncomfortable. It feels like I'm wearing a diaper. But I just got the Always Infinity pads that are 10 times more comfortable and less noticeable than the regular diaperish pads. And the Nexplanon implant I got is healing great! I've barely had any bruising or discomfort. Its too early to see how I react to it but so far I like the idea of not having to worry about pregnancy for the next three years. Still have to worry about STDs but I'm clean and always plan on keeping it that way!

Well I was at work and saw a mother with her new born baby. I did not deny myself looking at her and feeling grief. I wanted to look. It was a difficult decision I made but I'm not going to deny my need to grieve. I'm not going to go into denial about my grief. But I'm also not going to wallow in it. I looked at that pretty baby girl and I let myself feel the grief I need to move on but when the moment of grief passed I let it pass. I went outside for five minutes and soaked myself in a beautiful, warm, sunny and rare mid January day. But what has helped me the most is my new "life resolution." In the past three days I've  gone to bed early and wake up around six. I start my day with warm water and lemon, very light yoga, and a beautiful healthy breakfast with a fresh cup of coffee and I eat two more balanced meals, two snacks in between, and a fruity midnight snack to help me sleep witout being too full. I've been drinking NOTHING but water and all that plus the ten minutes of yoga in the morning has helped me lose weight so fast! I dropped seven pounds of something in the last three days. I don't feel bloated or groggy. I have energy from the time I wake up until about an hour before I go to sleep. It's not something that I'm gonna do for a week and give up. It just happened. Like I subconsciously decided I need a positive change in my life to deal with this and it just happened! And even though its only been three days I'm feeling so much better physically and emotionally. I've decided to take an unpleasant situation and turn it around into something that lets me feel my grief but actually makes me feel ma whole lot better. So I decided to go with it and stick to it because taking control of my body doesn't mean just being on birth control.

Along with that I'm 19 years old (today is my birthday!) I work full time at a mom and pop restaurant and hardly make enough money. When I found out I was pregnant I was over $1,000 dollars in debt. Wish seems like nothing to some people but to me it was very stressful and just yesterday I got every single bill paid, I paid for a $535 procedure, bought a computer, and still have a few hundred left to start my car savings. I got that done all by myself within four months without help from anyone and I'm really proud of that. But it didn't just happen. I worked my ass off (85 hours) and it was not easy or fun. But the lessons and sense of accomplishment and self worth that I got out of the whole experience is completely worth it. Good things come to people who want it and really have the motivation to stick to their goals. I found my motivation in a difficult experience. But it changed my life for the better.