So its been five days since the abortion and holy shit do my boobs hurt. This was not something I was expecting. I didn't even think about my milk coming in. It's not a constant pain. Sometimes I will get horrible aches randomly like right this second. Sometimes I'll move a certain way and they will just start throbbing. Sometimes it's so uncomfortable I cant even move. I thought some extra strength Tylenol would help but nope! So my advice is to not use heat because it will only increase milk production and to ice the hell out of them. Frozen peas, a cool shower, or freeze your bra! It seriously worked the best for me. And also keep them snug and cozy but not too snug. It will get worse if you wear a bra that's too tight. Camisoles work great or sports bras. I do not recommend push ups. I could let some milk out if I wanted but that would freak me out way too much! I did some searching on the web and the milk should dry up within seven to ten days. I don't know if that immediately begins when the pregnancy is lost or after they start hurting but I sure hope its sometime soon for me because it's seriously painful for me.
The bleeding has almost stopped. There is barely any blood on the pad and I only passed one clot that was smaller than my pinkie nail. Once the bleeding stops for two days straight I think it will be time to stop the pads. I'm going to keep them around just incase but they're so uncomfortable. It feels like I'm wearing a diaper. But I just got the Always Infinity pads that are 10 times more comfortable and less noticeable than the regular diaperish pads. And the Nexplanon implant I got is healing great! I've barely had any bruising or discomfort. Its too early to see how I react to it but so far I like the idea of not having to worry about pregnancy for the next three years. Still have to worry about STDs but I'm clean and always plan on keeping it that way!
Well I was at work and saw a mother with her new born baby. I did not deny myself looking at her and feeling grief. I wanted to look. It was a difficult decision I made but I'm not going to deny my need to grieve. I'm not going to go into denial about my grief. But I'm also not going to wallow in it. I looked at that pretty baby girl and I let myself feel the grief I need to move on but when the moment of grief passed I let it pass. I went outside for five minutes and soaked myself in a beautiful, warm, sunny and rare mid January day. But what has helped me the most is my new "life resolution." In the past three days I've gone to bed early and wake up around six. I start my day with warm water and lemon, very light yoga, and a beautiful healthy breakfast with a fresh cup of coffee and I eat two more balanced meals, two snacks in between, and a fruity midnight snack to help me sleep witout being too full. I've been drinking NOTHING but water and all that plus the ten minutes of yoga in the morning has helped me lose weight so fast! I dropped seven pounds of something in the last three days. I don't feel bloated or groggy. I have energy from the time I wake up until about an hour before I go to sleep. It's not something that I'm gonna do for a week and give up. It just happened. Like I subconsciously decided I need a positive change in my life to deal with this and it just happened! And even though its only been three days I'm feeling so much better physically and emotionally. I've decided to take an unpleasant situation and turn it around into something that lets me feel my grief but actually makes me feel ma whole lot better. So I decided to go with it and stick to it because taking control of my body doesn't mean just being on birth control.
Along with that I'm 19 years old (today is my birthday!) I work full time at a mom and pop restaurant and hardly make enough money. When I found out I was pregnant I was over $1,000 dollars in debt. Wish seems like nothing to some people but to me it was very stressful and just yesterday I got every single bill paid, I paid for a $535 procedure, bought a computer, and still have a few hundred left to start my car savings. I got that done all by myself within four months without help from anyone and I'm really proud of that. But it didn't just happen. I worked my ass off (85 hours) and it was not easy or fun. But the lessons and sense of accomplishment and self worth that I got out of the whole experience is completely worth it. Good things come to people who want it and really have the motivation to stick to their goals. I found my motivation in a difficult experience. But it changed my life for the better.
Showing posts with label laminaria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laminaria. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Friday, January 10, 2014
Dilation & Evacuation and Recovery
I woke up with terrible back pains. All I wanted to do was sleep the day away but I knew as soon as it was all over I would feel so much better.
I arrived at the clinic at 9:30 a.m. and five minutes later I was taken into the recovery room where I was to sit and wait for my IV. I took advantage of the heating pad and reclining chair and made myself comfortable. When it was finally my turn for the IV insertion I was extremely nervous. It was going to by my first one and I didn't know what to expect. The most uncomfortable part was the tourniquet. The needle was a bit of a pinch but nothing to bad. After it was all done I sat there for another hour before I was taken into the operating room. My nurse from the previous day was there and nice as ever. I was told to remove my bottoms and lie on the table. It was freezing so she gave me a blanket and let me recline my feet. The doctor was going to be a while because she was doing another procedure so my nurse put on some smooth jazz and let me relax. Except I couldn't relax. The back pain I was experiencing was normal but I just could not get comfortable. After a half hour of waiting alone my nurse came back in and talked to me. It relaxed me a lot more than anything else. Just five minutes after that I was given an oxygen mask and my first dosage of my conscious sedation. The last thing I remember was asking "Am I going to die?" and the nurse replying "One day but today is not your day."
Fifteen minutes later I was woken up by a soft pressure in my uterus and the nurse telling me I was all finished. Now it was time for my Nexplanon implant. I was still so out of it from the medication I didn't feel a thing. I don't remember my arm being bandaged and I barely remember getting wheeled into recover where I slept for another hour. When I woke up I had to change my pad twice and get my blood pressure taken twice and I finally got the IV out. I had no to very little cramping. My bleeding was light and I experienced absolutely no pain. I had no medication to take because I took my antibiotic right before midnight just before the cutoff of not being allowed to eat or drink anything. I was so thirsty I downed three glasses of water and felt like a million dollars afterward.
Being back home was fine. I still had some light bleeding and I was starved. I ate half a pizza to myself and spent the rest of the day on the couch watching tv with very mild cramps here and there.
My abortion experience was absolutely wonderful. The staff was positive and supportive. My friends were supportive and the excruciating pain I was expecting turned out to be no pain at all. But then again I cannot speak for everyone out there.
My pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted. I felt grief because I know I was aborting an innocent baby but it was the right choice for me. There are still so many children waiting to be adopted and some of them never do. Some of them end up in foster care. Some are abused. Some go starving. I knew I didn't want to put my child through that because I could not 100% guarantee that they would go to a good home and I don't have the mental...soundness (if that's the right way to put it I don't know) to know that I have a child out there in the world that I cannot take care of. But even though I felt guilty I was relieved. And I sleep soundly at night knowing I made the right decision.
From time to time I'll post more on my recovery and my life after the abortion. So if I helped you in any way please stay posted<3
I arrived at the clinic at 9:30 a.m. and five minutes later I was taken into the recovery room where I was to sit and wait for my IV. I took advantage of the heating pad and reclining chair and made myself comfortable. When it was finally my turn for the IV insertion I was extremely nervous. It was going to by my first one and I didn't know what to expect. The most uncomfortable part was the tourniquet. The needle was a bit of a pinch but nothing to bad. After it was all done I sat there for another hour before I was taken into the operating room. My nurse from the previous day was there and nice as ever. I was told to remove my bottoms and lie on the table. It was freezing so she gave me a blanket and let me recline my feet. The doctor was going to be a while because she was doing another procedure so my nurse put on some smooth jazz and let me relax. Except I couldn't relax. The back pain I was experiencing was normal but I just could not get comfortable. After a half hour of waiting alone my nurse came back in and talked to me. It relaxed me a lot more than anything else. Just five minutes after that I was given an oxygen mask and my first dosage of my conscious sedation. The last thing I remember was asking "Am I going to die?" and the nurse replying "One day but today is not your day."
Fifteen minutes later I was woken up by a soft pressure in my uterus and the nurse telling me I was all finished. Now it was time for my Nexplanon implant. I was still so out of it from the medication I didn't feel a thing. I don't remember my arm being bandaged and I barely remember getting wheeled into recover where I slept for another hour. When I woke up I had to change my pad twice and get my blood pressure taken twice and I finally got the IV out. I had no to very little cramping. My bleeding was light and I experienced absolutely no pain. I had no medication to take because I took my antibiotic right before midnight just before the cutoff of not being allowed to eat or drink anything. I was so thirsty I downed three glasses of water and felt like a million dollars afterward.
Being back home was fine. I still had some light bleeding and I was starved. I ate half a pizza to myself and spent the rest of the day on the couch watching tv with very mild cramps here and there.
My abortion experience was absolutely wonderful. The staff was positive and supportive. My friends were supportive and the excruciating pain I was expecting turned out to be no pain at all. But then again I cannot speak for everyone out there.
My pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted. I felt grief because I know I was aborting an innocent baby but it was the right choice for me. There are still so many children waiting to be adopted and some of them never do. Some of them end up in foster care. Some are abused. Some go starving. I knew I didn't want to put my child through that because I could not 100% guarantee that they would go to a good home and I don't have the mental...soundness (if that's the right way to put it I don't know) to know that I have a child out there in the world that I cannot take care of. But even though I felt guilty I was relieved. And I sleep soundly at night knowing I made the right decision.
From time to time I'll post more on my recovery and my life after the abortion. So if I helped you in any way please stay posted<3
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Laminaria Insertion
So today was my laminaria insertion (tiny rods that dilate your cervix) and I was so effing nervous you wouldn't even believe. The thought of getting three shots in my cervix then three rods stuck up there to open it up! No thanks! But I got to the office and checked in and waited a bit and soon it was my turn.
The nurse that was with me was honestly the nicest and most understand lady I could ever ask for. She answered all my questions and will also be there the day for my procedure which I'm so grateful for. But anyway I was to remove my pants and have a pad ready in my underwear and wait for the doctor to come in. At this point I felt like I had jumping beans bouncing around my stomach. The doctor came in and introduced herself and her medical student (who had to have thought I was the biggest baby ever) and she talked to me about my birth control choice and then went into what was going to be happening today. She did a cervical exam with her fingers. I suspect her nails were a little bit longer because it kind of pinched. After that it went just like a pelvic exam. My vagina was held open so she could view my cervix which was honestly the worst part. She cleaned my cervix with a bit of soap and let me take a few minutes to calm my nerves. The nurse held my hand and asked me about my job and even though her intentions were only the best my attention was still on the three shots of numbing injection I was getting. The first one was barely a pinch, The second was a little more, and the third one hurt only the smallest bit. They kept me talking and I could not even feel the laminaria being put in. I felt some pressure but I experienced no pain.
My nurse helped me get dressed and wipe the blood and got me in a wheel chair. I asked her if she has ever been in my situation and we talked all through my recovery about how we know we made the best choice to abort. But, anyway, recovery was 15 minutes. I got a heating pad and a blanket, some water, and something to snack on. The cramps at this point were not too bad. Just bad period pains at this point. I was allowed to leave after the 15 minutes was up and standing actually made the pain almost go away completely.
The car ride home wasn't too bad. I got the ringing in my ears that the doctor told me I might experience from the numbing injection. Right after that started I had to hang my head out the window (it was 19 degrees where I live). I was hot and sweaty and felt sick. After a minute I was back to normal and experiencing very bad period cramps. I only had camps like that once before so it wasn't unbearable. The worst is when I got home. Just an hour later I was in so much pain and discomfort. I opened up my window and could not be in one position for more than 30 seconds. This was way worse than period pains. I felt so sick I couldn't swallow one of the ibuprofens they had given me. I was finally able to choke on down and about fifteen minutes later I was able to sit still. About fifteen minutes after that I fell asleep. I woke up a few times with cramps but nothing bad and fell back to sleep. I woke up for good around 7:45 p.m. and took another ibuprofen even though the pain wasn't too bad. I still haven't taken the 4 antibiotic I needed to take at dinner but I was feeling to sick to even drink water at dinner time so I decided to wait until about 9:30 to take them with a few slices of pizza. **you MUST eat when you take these pills. they will get you sick and if you throw them back up you just wasted them**
None of the laminaria have fallen out. Cramps very from time to time. And I really don't want to eat or anything. But like I've said this is what's best for me and I'm at peace with my decision. No turning back now.
The nurse that was with me was honestly the nicest and most understand lady I could ever ask for. She answered all my questions and will also be there the day for my procedure which I'm so grateful for. But anyway I was to remove my pants and have a pad ready in my underwear and wait for the doctor to come in. At this point I felt like I had jumping beans bouncing around my stomach. The doctor came in and introduced herself and her medical student (who had to have thought I was the biggest baby ever) and she talked to me about my birth control choice and then went into what was going to be happening today. She did a cervical exam with her fingers. I suspect her nails were a little bit longer because it kind of pinched. After that it went just like a pelvic exam. My vagina was held open so she could view my cervix which was honestly the worst part. She cleaned my cervix with a bit of soap and let me take a few minutes to calm my nerves. The nurse held my hand and asked me about my job and even though her intentions were only the best my attention was still on the three shots of numbing injection I was getting. The first one was barely a pinch, The second was a little more, and the third one hurt only the smallest bit. They kept me talking and I could not even feel the laminaria being put in. I felt some pressure but I experienced no pain.
My nurse helped me get dressed and wipe the blood and got me in a wheel chair. I asked her if she has ever been in my situation and we talked all through my recovery about how we know we made the best choice to abort. But, anyway, recovery was 15 minutes. I got a heating pad and a blanket, some water, and something to snack on. The cramps at this point were not too bad. Just bad period pains at this point. I was allowed to leave after the 15 minutes was up and standing actually made the pain almost go away completely.
The car ride home wasn't too bad. I got the ringing in my ears that the doctor told me I might experience from the numbing injection. Right after that started I had to hang my head out the window (it was 19 degrees where I live). I was hot and sweaty and felt sick. After a minute I was back to normal and experiencing very bad period cramps. I only had camps like that once before so it wasn't unbearable. The worst is when I got home. Just an hour later I was in so much pain and discomfort. I opened up my window and could not be in one position for more than 30 seconds. This was way worse than period pains. I felt so sick I couldn't swallow one of the ibuprofens they had given me. I was finally able to choke on down and about fifteen minutes later I was able to sit still. About fifteen minutes after that I fell asleep. I woke up a few times with cramps but nothing bad and fell back to sleep. I woke up for good around 7:45 p.m. and took another ibuprofen even though the pain wasn't too bad. I still haven't taken the 4 antibiotic I needed to take at dinner but I was feeling to sick to even drink water at dinner time so I decided to wait until about 9:30 to take them with a few slices of pizza. **you MUST eat when you take these pills. they will get you sick and if you throw them back up you just wasted them**
None of the laminaria have fallen out. Cramps very from time to time. And I really don't want to eat or anything. But like I've said this is what's best for me and I'm at peace with my decision. No turning back now.
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